'Stud Lesbian gets beat down by her femme lesbian lover!' The title intrigued me as stumbled onto this video. Not thinking the video was going to be much, me and one of my bois decided to watch for giggles and kicks. What we saw horrified us, and after watching the 5:14 minute video, the only thing that we could say was wow. Wow. Damn. The video showed an already crying stud lesbian at the doorsteps of her femme lesbian lover's home. The stud lesbian was screaming in between the tears, "gimme my phone. I ain't playing, gimme my phone." The femme lesbian races out the door and begins pounding on the stud. Then the femme goes back inside. The stud continues begging for her property, when the femme comes outside again, and goes for broke on the stud. This time hitting the stud lesbian with an object repeatedly. The stud tries to fight back, but the femme is winning. The femme is screaming, "I heard you were cheating on me anyway. And you owe me money!" At some point, the stud lesbian is slung to the ground, and the femme sits on top of the stud pounding blow for blow in the stud's face. The stud is screaming in and kicking her legs in agony, but can't seem to get up. At some point the femme goes into the stud lesbian's pocket and takes whatever she wants, maybe her winnings from the fight. The stud does not even resist. At some point, the femme even sprays the stud, which is at the point when the stud decides to walk away, without her phone.
Me and my boi did not get to giggle and kick with laughter as we had hoped for. Instead we felt sorry for the both the stud and the femme, as we knew they were facing one of the biggest problems in the gay and lesbian community. Domestic violence. There is this belief that a stud lesbian should never hit a femme woman since stud lesbians are viewed as men, and men should never put their hands on a woman. Here's the problem. Femmes will beat on a stud, with the belief that a stud will not hit her back. This behavior should never be condoned. It doesn't matter if you're femme, stud, butch, tomboi, bi, straight, man, woman. You should never put your hands on another person, and another person should never put their hands on you. If the stud had been an actual man, we would have called this what it was, domestic violence.
Unfortunately, violence has grown in the lesbian and gay community. According to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence program, there is a reported 125 % increase in domestic violence fatalities in lesbian and gay couples since just a year ago. Few lesbians report abuse, and in black lesbian relationships, domestic violence is reported even less.
The rules for domestic violence for same sex couples should be the same as it is for heterosexual couples, keep your hands to yourself. Go cool off. If it happens, report it. If they hit you once, they will hit you again.
I've never been in an domestic violence situation. Actually, I don't have any friends that have either. This could be because of how we address things from the beginning. So to all of my younger studs, here is what I do in each new relationship I have with a woman, and even with women I'm just casually dating. I have the conversation about keeping our hands to ourselves within the first two weeks of meeting. Yep, before we can get comfortable. Before things can get blurry. Before anyone starts catching feelings. I tell my lady friend, that I don't believe in hitting women, BUT, I don't believe in taking ass whippings either. I tell her very seriously without the slightest hint of laughter or a smile, 'If you hit me, I'm going to hit you back. Period. I am also pressing charges afterwards. I am also leaving you, and will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever take you back.' She knows I mean it. I follow up with a few stories about close calls so she can know what to expect if she can't keep her composure. She realizes I'm very serious.
Does it work? Absolutely. Because when things start to get too heated between me and my lady, and she starts cussing and balling up her fist, and I see her mind racing that she wants to sling a glass of kool-aide at me, or that she has decided she just might haul off and slap me, I remind her of my rules. "I am going to hit you back in self defense, I am calling the cops and will not drop charges once you're in jail, and I will never under any circumstances take your crazy ass back." Every time, we both walk away, cool our heads, and talk things out a few hours later.
Just because you are a stud, does not mean you are some one's punching bag. It's not manly. It doesn't prove you are hard. It doesn't prove you are tough. It proves that you condoning this behavior for the sake of saving face. No one in this world encourages women in heterosexual relationships to beat the crap out of their boyfriends or husbands. And no one ever encourages men to allow their women to beat them to a pulp to prove they are real men, so stud's stop convincing yourself that this is ok.
If you know someone in a violent relationship, encourage them to get out, because being a stud also means walking away with your integrity.
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